Burying my head in the political sand...

In this terrifying new world we find ourselves in, Obama and Biden memes, super moons and Ed Balls butchering the Gangnam Style dance routine, have the only viable panacea to cut through the unrelenting gloom.

I have been in a subconsciously self imposed news media blackout since I woke up on Wednesday, which doesn't bode well for a predominantly current affairs based blog.

Tomorrow I will be recording the fourth episode of Our Comedy Podcast  in which we will be discussing the grim realities of trying to create comedy in a post Trump world. Enjoy!

Time to get ill - but not in the hip hop sense...

Unfortunately I've been under the weather the last couple of weeks, so not able to give you your weekly dose of rambling witticisms.

Stay tuned next week, when I'll hopefully be back to full strength - although it is becoming increasingly hard to make light of the news as 2016 drags on to it's inevitably depressing conclusions.

Remember, if you're in a pub quiz at any point in 20 years time, and the question starts "in what year did..." just put 2016. And if the question starts "who was accused of sexually assaulting..." just put Donald Trump.

I can hear the Trumpets sounding...

It seems like the revelation about his "locker room banter", coupled with the fact is seems he hasn't paid tax for the best part of a decade, may be the final two nails in Trump's XL coffin.

My prediction is that unless there's a terrorist attack on US soil before election night, the world will be waking up to the first female leader of the free world. 

Hungary for change?

In a fantastic triumph of apathy over racism, a referendum on letting refugees into Hungary has failed due to less than half of the population turning out to vote.

In fact, it seems that the reality is perhaps more complicated than that. Liberal voices encouraged supporters to boycott the vote, to ensure the result was declared invalid. If only the Remain camp had thought of that before it was too late…

A terrifying 98% of those that did vote, voted against allowing any refugees into Hungary, as part of an EU wide agreement – although this may have something to do with the fact that the government paid for over a quarter of the billboards in the entire country to carry anti-refugee propaganda in the lead up to the vote.

Meanwhile, back In Blighty, MayBot 3000 has decided that denying access to anyone hoping to enter the UK without a doctorate is more important that being able to compete with other European economies, and trade on mutually beneficial terms.

Surely proof, if it was needed, that fear has replaced rationality as the driving force behind politics in the UK – where’s that Canadian visa form again…?

Bulldozing under the carpet: The rumble in the Calais Jungle

In yet another fantastic example of policy more short sighted than Stevie Wonder, pseudo-socialist Francois Hollande has announced today that the Jungle in Calais will be fully dismantled by the end of the year.

In addition, the UK is taking a leaf out of the much respected, and not at all crazy, Trump playbook, and building a wall. And who’s going to pay for the wall? That’ll be the UK – apparently May’s suggestion to have a whip round around Syria, Eritrea and Sudan was dismissed as ‘unworkable’.

The wall is due to be finished by Christmas, which means it will out rank the seasonal satsuma in my stocking as the most unwanted festive gift I’ll ever receive.

Breaking News: Corbyn's biscuit preference finally revealed

I'm struggling to remember a time when the labour leadership contest wasn't ongoing, so long has it now been dragging on. This may also be because the PLP's reluctance to accept Corbyn as leader, has meant that there has been an apparent vacuum of power at the top of the party for the best part of the year.

Today, Corbyn elegantly demonstrated why he has tended to prefer engaging with actual people, rather than mainstream media - by engaging with some of the latter. On Radio 4's the Today programme, he was asked to explain why he didn't agree to interviews with the mainstream media (during a conversation which surely contradicted this point) and forced to endure Nick Robinson lazily regurgitating insults hurled at the labour leader by disgruntled establishment figures.

He was then whisked over to speak to that crucial and prestigious media outlet, Mumsnet. A website most famous for instigating penis beaker-gate, questions ranged from the deranged, to the bizarre, to the genuinely interesting. But even in this cathedral of tolerance and good humour, Corbyn was criticised for not typing quickly enough, and accused of hypocrisy for outlining his staunch anti-sugar stance, despite famously being an avid jam maker.

Possibly nothing exemplifies more powerfully the inherent issues in dealing with the "mainstream media" than the fact that the sum total of all of Corbyn's efforts today will be that the nation knows he'd plump for a shortbread if he was pushed.  

Politician in feeling under the weather shocker...

The US presidential election race reached new heights of reactionary ridiculousness this week, as Hillary Clinton's ability to effectively lead the world's most powerful country was called into question due to the fact she was taken unwell at an 11/9 (as it is called in British English) memorial ceremony. Apparently, succumbing to an unfortunate bout of pneumonia is more of a bar to taking up office than kicking babies out of buildings, inciting an assassination attempt on your presidential rival, and insulting the parents of a deceased war veteran combined. The fact that US voters seem to place more importance on the physical fitness of their potential leaders, rather than their levels of intelligence or knowledge, tells you everything you need to know about the ludicrous political situation across the pond. Rampant Trumpeteers are also conveniently forgetting the fact that Republican favourite (and fellow loudmouthed celebrity, rather than experienced politician) Ronald Reagan suffered from Alzheimer's during his presidency. Popular wartime president Franklin Roosevelt suffered from Polio for much of his time in office (a fact that even back then, was hidden from the population at large) and the famously tumultuous term of John F. Kennedy was completed despite his massive amounts of medication required to keep his Addison's disease in check. I'm going to go out on a limb here, and state that the contributions of these supposedly sickly statesmen will certainly out trump anything that the man who publicly stated the tower bearing his name was the tallest in the area after the destruction of the twin towers has to offer.

Comedy Capers Podcast: Episode 2, Part 1

Myself and my fellow budding comedian Nancy, discuss our differing approaches to starting our comedic journeys, and also explore the topic of women in comedy. (Part 1 of 3) Thanks to The Fox pub for providing a very agreeable rooftop for recording purposes - apologies for any background noise!

Nul Points: Brexit Backpedalling and the Burkini Bandwagon

The amount of post-Brexit backpedalling by politicians has been so astronomic I’m beginning to think they could give Bradley Wiggins and co a run for their money in the (backwards) team pursuit. The latest incident of flip flopping concerns the introduction of a point based immigration system – unfortunately nothing to do with the recent world Scrabble championships (surely Britain’s greatest sporting victory of the summer). 

Instead it refers to an “Australian style” system, whereby immigration would be policed by people’s skills, education and perceived usefulness to society. One would hope that this system would also work in reverse, and that hack journalists cum inept politicians Gove and Johnson would be summarily shipped out to somewhere they’d be able to do a little less damage. The fact that we are even considering taking our cues on immigration policy from a country which has one of the most oppressed native populations in the world is beyond parody.

Meanwhile, French lorry drivers are instigating a protest against  the desperate situation of a group of people who will ultimately keep the very economy on which these same drivers rely on ticking over. The greatest trick neo-liberalism has ever pulled off is convincing the majority of the populous that immigration is the problem, whilst simultaneously relying on it’s cheap labour to keep the greasy wheels of the capitalist economy turning. As with the burkini ban in France last week, this is reactionary politics, responding to the symptoms of global issues, not the root causes. The Jungle exists because of worldwide social and financial insecurity. Where will people go if this camp is cleared out? Back to where they came from? Warzones, police states and economic instability – and that’ll just be Western Europe if we continue pursuing a campaign of the politics of fear and division. 

Beach body ready? Burkini-gate

As images of elderly ladies being forced to remove their clothes by French police officers shock the world, the question must be asked, is this a genuine example of political correctness gone mad? 

France's commitment to secularism (which only seems to extend to demonising Islam) would be admirable if it wasn't so misguided and unbalanced. Despite being a potent symbol of patriarchy (unlike high heels which are obviously an embodiment of progressive feminism) wearing of a burka and its poolside equivalent allows women a freedom of movement that they would not otherwise be able to enjoy. 

As with many things in life, it is the root cause of the issue which needs to be addressed. One can discuss and debate issues around the role of women within Islamic culture, without resorting to curbing people's human rights in the process. The burkini is a symptom not a cause, and it is precisely this kind of demonisation and prejudiced behaviour against Muslims which precipitates and accelerates global terrorism. 

Super Mari-Mo: Farwell Rio, Hello Tokyo

As the only event that seems to have lasted longer than the Labour leadership race comes to a close, I say farewell the Rio olympics with a heavy heart. 

Whether it was people suggestively reading books on the Copacabana, American athletes kicking in doors whilst drunk and then claiming to have been mugged, or even the prime minister of Japan dressing up as a portly plumber and emerging from a pipe during the closing ceremony - Rio 2016 has been a more than welcome distraction from the usual depressing death and destruction we've been presented with over the past months. 

It may be a bloated, over the top and corrupt institution (not to mention the fact that golf is now recognised as an olympic sport. Golf! It's barely even a hobby) but the olympics is nevertheless a celebration of internationalism, and the only acceptable forum to wave a national flag around as far as I'm concerned. 

Now all eyes are on Tokyo 2020, where Super Abe will hopefully be able to preside over something even more spectacular than the BBC's Dan Walker being ambushed by a hen do on live television. And hopefully they'll have got rid of the bloody golf as well...

Uber-abuse: "The withholding economy"

It’s been a busy week for the so called sharing economy – which as far as I can see is based on the ethos that “we’ll share the spoils of your poorly paid labour with our shareholders”. Capitalism never fails to find a way to exploit new developments in human achievement, and mobile technology is certainly no exception.

The main culprit this week has been Deliveroo, which has backed down on a planned rollout of a per delivery pay rate for its riders in the face of successful industrial action by its sickeningly named Roomen and Roowomen. The knowledge that it’s founder worked as a ‘Rooman’ for 8 months to fully understand the realities of the business, is slightly undermined by the fact that the scooter he used to do so is now painted gold and installed in their headquarters.

Full disclosure – I have ordered a few Deilveroos in my time and even used the odd Uber (but only when I’ve got a voucher code – take that “the man”). I offset my lower middle class guilt over paying someone to drive me around, by interviewing Uber drivers about their experiences. The results are fascinating and depressing in equal measure.

One told me, “I don’t feel like part of the company”. He was muscled out of his regular driving job with a small firm by Uber, and then was forced to join the transportation juggernaut to make ends meet.  He described it as “working for the enemy”, and it’s not hard to see why.  

Meanwhile, in the world of more old fashioned abuses of worker’s rights Sports Direct, has been ordered to pay £1 million in back wages to its warehouse workers, after being accused of acting like a Victorian workhouse (albeit one with a much higher concentration of novelty sized mugs) and not treating their staff as humans.

No matter your employment status, you are able to seek representation from a union (http://www.unitetheunion.org/ is a good place to start) or indeed form their own. In these uncertain and increasingly troubled times, it is all the more important that stand together against injustice in the workplace, to ensure a fairer deal for everyone. 

Ed Balls

In the only positive news related to the Labour Party this week, Ed Balls was announced as the first 'celebrity' to be taking part in the new series of post-apocalyptic danceathon Strictly Come Dancing, in a nod to Ed Balls Day by the BBC.

As the official celebration of the then MPs inexplicably hilarious Twitter gaffe, on the 28th April, seems an age away at this point in proceedings however, our attention must reluctantly turn to the slow death march that is the Labour leadership election. As the court ruling to allow 130,000 barred members to vote seems to have all but sealed the deal for a Jezza victory, it is now up to the PLP to decide whether they want to get of their collective pram, and get their toys back, or merely throw them further out of reach.

It is clear that whoever it's leader, a disunited and shambolic Labour party will never be able to successfully challenge the cool, calculated war machine that is Theresa May's Tories. Owen Smith is a Blaritie automaton, programmed with policy that he thinks will unite both sides of the party, whilst seemingly achieving the remarkable feat of dividing them further.  

A vote for Corbyn is, despite what the mainstream media would have you believe, a vote for a different kind of politics. As soon as the establishment wake up to this fact, the better. 

Meanwhile, in the world of gaffe prone megalomaniacs with bad hair...

Walking punchline Donald "Omnishambles" Trump, currently appears to be winning the battle of offensive, bizarrely popular, bumbling politicians with extremely questionable haircuts. Mercifully not in terms of political achievements, but in regards to what percentage of the current global population he has managed to offend.

Boris Johnson has been strangely quiet since his inexplicable appointment as Foreign Secretary - a situation which a large majority of the world genuinely thinks is an unfunny practical joke, and who are wondering when Theresa May will break the news to him. Perhaps this is because he's still stunned into silent disbelief by his own appointment as Britain's envoy to the world, considering he's spent a significant majority of his political career trying to piss it off.

Meanwhile, the man whose name is appropriately a synonym for a noxious bodily gas, has been busy offending anyone who'll listen on the other side of the pond. Trump is a man who does not so much ruffle feathers, as pluck them off one by one and use them to tar and feather whichever particular minority he's decided to persecute that morning.

One can only hope that his latest diatribe, against a Muslim couple who lost their son when we was serving in the U.S. Military, will unite those on both sides of the political spectrum against a man who sees a woman standing silently and supportivly by her husband whilst he is speaking eloquently about their dead son, and seizes the opportunity to criticise her for not speaking enough.

German Terror Attacks and Media Bias

I will resist the urge again this week to simply discuss Pokémon Go – although would briefly like to mention that I caught my first pocket monster whilst mildly inebriated in London, and also discovered that the MI6 building is a Pokégym.

However, more serious matters are afoot. Whilst British holidaymakers experience a taste of what’s to come in a post-Brexit world, with 12 hour tailbacks between here and Calais, and Labour infighting reaches new levels of ludicrousness with the party being sued by its own members, the world’s attention has turned to Germany, which has inevitably been the victim of some isolated events of violence carried out by individuals, which are predictably being stitched into a narrative of global terrorism by our sensationalist media.

It appears clear that there are no obvious connections between the events in question, and although some have claimed affiliation with so-called Islamic State, there is no way to confirm this. Indeed, it suits Dahesh’s narrative to allow lone attackers to claim victims in their name, despite the fact they may not have had any meaningful contact with the organisation.

This also shines a light on the phenomenon of news coverage, whereby we see a spike in certain events receiving coverage, in the wake of significant breaking stories. So in the fallout from the Brexit vote, people were informed about all racist and anti-xenophobic abuse taking place across the UK, thereby creating the illusion that this hadn’t been happening (and woefully underreported) beforehand. Likewise, we are now hearing about an isolated stabbing, which police identified a s a crime of passion, in Germany because the attacker happened to be a Syrian refugee.

Tellingly, the young man who blew himself up at a music festival in Bavaria was reported to be disenfranchised due to being refused asylum in the country. It is not welcoming people in need into our countries which does the damage, but rather building walls to keep us apart. 

Trident-mon Go! Festival Fatigue, Labour Infighting and the Nuclear Option

Having spent the past five days in a sunny field in Suffolk, soaking up the hotbed of leftfield culture and cliché middle class moments (to paraphrase Stewart Lee, the halloumi sleeps soundly on the grills of Stoke Newington tonight) that is Latitude festival – I have been mercifully insulated from the ongoing cavalcade of horrendous events which have apparently taken place in my absence from the wonderful world of twenty four hour rolling news coverage.

In fact, the only current global phenomenon I have returned with more knowledge of than when I left is the inevitable culmination of recent millennial trends (resurrecting things that were popular in the 90s, social media, and augmented reality) that is Pokémon Go. I spotted many a festival goer/wannabe pokémasters capturing Rattata rather than engaging in the various delights the festival had to offer – including the wonderfully named Double Pussy Clit Fuck whose performance I am reliably informed involved live cunnilingus accompanied by a crowd karaoke rendition of Love Will Tear Us Apart.   

However, I shall resist the temptation to dedicate the rest of this piece to discussing the intricacies of nabbing a Snorlax, and instead turn my attention to another 20^th century throwback, namely the seemingly imminent split of the Labour party. Owen Smith has now thrown his oar into what he must surely realise is a sinking ship, a man with about as much charisma as a Magikarp, who has already managed to ‘do a Leadsom’ by suggesting his being a family man gives him an edge over his fellow establishment rival for the throne – which would be bad enough, if she weren’t also one of the first openly gay MPs to represent the party.

Meanwhile, Westminster has voted overwhelmingly in favour of spending more money than we’ve sent to Brussels in living memory to renew an obsolete fleet of white elephants (or perhaps white whales?) which will continue to pointlessly patrol the Atlantic Ocean. Join the CND or better yet, The Labour Party and fight for the nuclear disarmament of our newly independent country – these weapons are merely a clitoris extension for our Thatcher-lite new PM, and her cabinet of Conservative throwbacks. 

The Eagle has landed: Corbyn and future of the Labour Party

The resounding boos, from what one would assume to be a fairly establishment crowd, when the soon to be European Wimbledon champion name checked our pig bothering outgoing PM in his victory speech, were more telling of the current state of the nation than any amount of press conferences or Q&As with his potential successors. Citizens on all sides of the political spectrum feel betrayed by the way Cameron has handled his affairs, and aren't afraid to show it.

Meanwhile, over in the increasingly ramshackle and weather beaten Labour camp, Angela Eagle has thrown her hat into a ring, which some people aren't even sure exists. The fact that the party itself seems unsure about if, and indeed how, Cornyn will be able to reapply for his own job, seems to be a potent  metaphor for the general state of confusion paralysing the party, and indeed the country itself.

As the cogs and gears of Westminster continue to turn, we will inevitably move away from this political purgatory, but as things stand, there are huge questions concerning what direction this will be in. As the Greens (the only party to be currently holding a leadership contest without tearing their party apart) call for a cross party coalition to push for electoral reform, including proportional representation, potential PM in waiting Theresa May is poised to curtail freedom of movement for EU nationals, regardless of the economic impact.

As I write, it appears that Leadsom's campaign is preparing to throw in the towel, likely paving the way for May as the heir apparent. It is as yet unknown whether this is due to the discovery that Leadsom falsified her CV to the extent that she has no political experience whatsoever, and just happened to be passing the Houses of Parliament on a London Duck Tour, before deciding to hop off and run for the most high profile political position in (what remains for the time being) Britain.

The media and the establishment appear obsessed with the idea that Corbyn is 'unelectable', thereby ensuring he is exactly that. Cameron's reception on Sunday shows us that people from all walks of life are fed up with business as usual in Westminster - if you agree, join the Labour Party, and let Jez continue trying to do things differently.  

Gove, May, Farage and Johnson - The Unfab Four and the State of the Nation

Well that was a quiet week wasn’t it? Britain is in the midst of its most significant period of political turmoil for decades, and the traditional summer silly season has transformed into a grotesque cavalcade of confusion, xenophobia, infighting and backstabbing. Little wonder some of us appear more concerned with the fact that Wales are through to the semi-finals of the Euros – I wonder what the odds would’ve been on that combined with a Brexit accumulator at the beginning of the year?

Any solace a leftie remain voter might be able to seek from watching the Tories tear themselves apart amidst the chaos, is confounded by watching the Labour party do the same. Screw proportional representation, at this rate UKIP and the Greens will manage majorities under first past the post.

However, this is serious. It seems inevitable that a general election will have to be called before we are too far along the road towards the process triggered by the much talked about Article 50. Gove’s much publicised betrayal of Johnson has simply served to replace a self-styled “bumbling buffoon” with a man who cocks things up without even being entertaining in the process.

Having overseen the complete decimation of the education system, and rattling the wrong cages as Justice Secretary, Gove has apparently decided that his tendency to pursue his own misguided policy, in the face of mass professional and public opposition, should extend to the country as a whole. The fact that most forward thinking voters are praying for a victory by May speaks volumes about the dire situation we find ourselves in.

As I write, news has broken that walking fearmongering factory Nigel Farage has stepped down as leader of UKIP – much like Johnson, appearing to be jumping ship, having just finished drilling a large hole through the hull. These two arrogant, privileged, shallow and deceitful politicians have used a smokescreen of everyman-ness, “straight talking” and opportunistic capitalisation on people’s legitimate fears and anxieties, to leave the rest of us on a rapidly sinking vessel. It’s now up to us to keep it afloat, without resorting to the politics of division so favoured by our former crew members.      

A Nation Divided: Buyers Remorse and Icelandic Warriors

One would think that the fact the most googled phrase in Britain after we woke up in a post-Brexit world was "What is the EU" would be grounds enough for another trip to the ballot boxes. As it is though, this being the 21st century and all, we have a record breaking petition, signed by 4 million people and counting, some of whom seem to actually be resident in Britain.

Meanwhile, the shell shocked Leave campaign are starting to wish they hadn't banged on about the EU quite so much, whilst simultaneously back-pedalling faster than the England men's football team are currently getting off the continent. In a glorious twist of poetic justice, the newly independent Engalnd have been defeated in a sport they alledgedly inveneted, by a plucky team of semi-professionals from a country slightly more populous than Slough (and almost as bleak during the winter.)

It is too early to say what will emerge from the unprecedented political ashes of the Brxit bonfire, but suffice it to say here that the most important thing is that we don't allow those elements of society using the uncertainty as an excuse to push their rasict or ideological agendas onto us to do so. Whether it's people being abused in the street, or letters through people's doors, or indeed MPs trying to unseat a leader who bears no blame for the result of this referendum, we must stand up to this injustice, and try and rebuild something truly good (but not 'Great') from the wreckage. 

Brexit, Bremain, and Brazen tactics: EU Referendum Redux

Depending on the outcome of the EU referendum, this will hopefully be the last time I write about the relentless and ugly campaign - as life will go back to normal, people having made the sensible decision to vote for inclusiveness over isolation, and a stable economy rather than pseudo-sovereignty.

The fact that the tragic killing of MP Jo Cox last week has clearly had a positive impact on people's decision making progress, is one of the few heartening aspects of an otherwise depressing and divisive campaign from both sides of the fence.

It is clear that the events of last week are symptomatic of the same disenfranchisement and alienation from politics that is leading so many to consider voting for abandoning Britain's involvement in the European project. To view these issues in isolation, is to ignore important and unignorable trends, which will continue to develop whatever the result on Thursday.

The crucial points are these. Firstly, make your vote count, as it's one of the very few opportunities you will enjoy as a British voter to have your ballot counted fairly and openly. Secondly, if the Remain campaign is indeed triumphant, the fight is far from over. Much work needs to be done to change societal attitudes towards migration, globalisation and progressive social policy. Finally, don't let a courageous campaigner's death be in vain - take up the cause, and fight for what you believe in. 

Ingerland Ingerland England: Fear and Loathing at Euro 2016

In an unprecedented show of European friendship and solidarity, England's esteemed representatives across the channel have been busy beating seven shades of shit out of anyone unlucky enough to commit the double atrocity of being foreign, and in their general vicinity. 

Possibly exarcebated by the fact that the gendarmerie national seem more trigger happy with the tear gas than your average Holywood SWAT team, our red faced squadron of peace envoys are providing ammunition for the Leave campaign by ensuring that no rational member of British society will want to be seen dead in Europe anytime in the near future. 

From tackling passing pensioners, to assaulting a wheelchair user, the footage from France has been genuinely shocking - far beyond the usual clashes between hardcore fans seem at international tournaments. 

Our fellow (for the time being) Europeans over in the east have clearly also not covered themselves in glory - particularly as the Russian media have been egging them on at every opportunity. It seems that, much like Eurovision (albeit with more violence, and less sequins) the Euros have become an opportunity for nations to fight out their underlying rivalries on a global stage. No wonder the European dream is looking increasingly fragile. 

In, Out, Shaking it all about: Everything you wanted to know about the EU referendum, despite probably never asking in the first place

Perhaps fittingly, I inadvertently booked a trip to see my brother in Berlin on the day of the EU referendum; depending on the result, I will strongly consider missing the return flight.

The hullabaloo around this undoubtedly important decision has thrown up some interesting conundrums for the casual observer. Will we still get to compete in Eurovision? Will Brexit finally mean our bananas are free to be as bendy as we apparently want them to be? And most importantly, who is more of a danger to the future of British society, automa-tory George Osborne or megalomaniac masquerading as a childcare's party entertainer, Boris Johnson?

Political issues which cut across the left-right divide are difficult for us humble voters to disentangle. What to make of a situation where self-confessed Marxist Yanis Varoufakis and notorious urine monetiser Martin O'Leary can be found arguing passionately for the same cause? Indeed, O'Leary has gone as far as to offer British expats (economic migrants?) cut price flights to get home in time for election day, whilst on the other side of the dubious publicity stunt by outspoken millionaire fence, Weatherspoon's founder Tim Martin has flooded his pubs with Brexit beer mats, the content of which are presumably being hotly debated over a round of jägerbombs as we speak. Joking aside, it is certainly telling that in the past few months, I have heard people from all walks of life discussing the finer points of the debate - mostly coming to the conclusion that they haven't got a clue.

Pro-Brexit arguments from the radical left tend to focus on the idea that, free form the neo-liberal yolk of Jean-Claude Juncker et al, Britain will be free to cultivate the socialist utopia it has always dreamed of. In a world where Jeremy Corbyn is viewed by almost all mainstream media as at best an amusing 80s throwback, and at worst, a genuine threat to global security, this seems highly unlikely. A more realistic scenario, is that it will solidify Britain's increasing trend towards isolationism, individualism and ignorance, creating an increasingly fragmented and hostile society. Some talk of toppling Cameron, which very much feels like the nuclear option with Osborne, Johnson and May eagerly waiting in the wings. Say what you like about the probable pig botherer, but he is at worst a benign dictator.

Those on the right baying for Brussels' blood take the different, but no less misguided, line that Brexit will be economically beneficial for Britain. The very fact that most mainstream economists argue this won't be the case undermines this argument, as global economics is entirely based on blind faith in the system itself. Vote Leave points out that we have sent half a trillion pounds to the EU since 1973, which frankly seems like a bargain when we are on the cusp on spending half that amount on some obsolete submarines to pootle around the Atlantic for the next 40 years. The issue of migration is unarguably a serious one, and too nuanced to get into here. Suffice it to say, that we can continue being hostile towards people not from round here, whether in, out, or indeed shaking it all about, which should be enough to silence even the most swivel eyed the pro-Brexit campaign has to offer.

And don't worry, I've applied for a postal vote, so I'll still be able to have my say come election day. If you're still undecided, I'll leave you with the wise words of the aforementioned Greek revolutionary Varoufakis - "When I was student, a close friend who hated parties nevertheless never missed one just so that he would have something to bitch about the day after. Please do not be like him."